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Bush: the Newest Four-Letter Word

By Derek Thompson

One of many questions facing organizers of the Republican National Convention was this: In an election about change, how would the GOP reconcile the toxic unpopularity of the president without bashing George W. Bush? The resounding answer: Pretend he’s not there.

George Bush’s name was uttered once—once!—throughout the entire RNC in speeches reviewed by Slate. We crawled the transcripts of the Democratic and Republican conventions to compare how the different parties used the outgoing president’s name in their speeches. The results from the DNC were hardly surprising. In 184 mentions, Democratic speakers tied Bush to the fading economy and the bungled wars of the Middle East. But in more than half those mentions (95) they tied his name, like a political anchor, to Sen. John McCain. If you watched part of the convention, you probably caught the ubiquitous stat that McCain has voted with Bush about 95 percent of the time in the last year. Some variation of that number made 14 appearances last week.

Since the RNC was all about McCain’s maverick streak, the old guard from the White House went into hibernation mode. Dick Cheney’s name was shut out of the conventions while the veep toured Georgia. Condoleezza Rice? Nary a mention. The RNC gave the president his eight minutes from the White House lawn, but he didn’t get much praise from the podium. Three out of the four times the word Bush appears in the speech transcripts, it’s referring to wife Laura. The solitary George Bush mention came from Rudy Guiliani praising the president for his willingness to use the term evil. The overall strategy was clear: The best way to convince voters that John McCain is not George W. Bush was to ignore Bush altogether.

President Bush’s sole mention at the RNC puts him in a strange category. Other figures receiving the one-and-done treatment in St. Paul, Minn., include Al Gore, Hillary Clinton, and Bill Clinton; vanquished Democratic candidates George McGovern, Jimmy Carter, and Walter Mondale; and adorable presence/future hair stylist Piper Palin.

Here are the numbers for the RNC:

George Bush: 1 mention

Cheney: 0 

And here is the final tally for the DNC:

Bush: 184 mentions (95 linked to McCain)

Cheney: 20 (19 linked to Bush)

For a fuller analysis of just the speeches by the four candidates, click here.

Post-Palin Depression

The biggest moment Thursday night in the Xcel Center—the time and place of John McCain’s acceptance speech—was when the lights went down and the jumbo screens lit up with a video about … Sarah Palin. Her face flashed on-screen, and I almost reached for my earplugs. During McCain’s speech later on, I reached for my hearing aid.

For whatever reason, McCain had trouble jazzing the crowd. Maybe it was his tendency to speak over the cheering rather than wait for it to build and subside. Even 10 minutes into his speech—around the point at which Palin got comfortable Wednesday night—McCain still wasn’t hitting his rhythm. I squinted to make sure it wasn’t still Tom Ridge onstage.

It could also be that McCain’s speech was predictable—heavily biographical with an emphasis on his “maverick” streak and his service to country—whereas Palin’s was 100 percent fresh. McCain’s policy solutions sounded laundry list-y. Parts of the speech felt soporific by design. Even the weakest speeches repackage platitudes in ways we haven’t heard them before. But he pledged to “stand on your side” twice and urged people eight times to “stand up.” He promised to “fight” for various things 25 times. What hope and change are to Obama, stand and fight are to McCain.

The tepid reaction to McCain (save the dutiful screaming at the end) may have had a lot to do enthusiasm for Palin. Republicans are now going through post-Palin depression. Her speech on Wednesday combined clever attacks on Obama with warm-and-fuzzy biography and the sort of red-meat conservative rallying cries that convention-goers devour. Granted, expectations were low. But she exceeded them with such style and confidence that it made McCain look stiff by comparison. It’s no coincidence that two of McCain’s biggest applause lines were his mentions of Palin.

Of course, novelty and news value play a part, too. McCain’s surprise pick delighted conservatives otherwise ticked off by McCain’s unorthodoxy on immigration and campaign finance. Others glommed onto her family story. (Republicans here are psyched about Bristol’s baby.) And she injected the ticket with much-needed energy, plus a dose of sympathy.

No doubt McCain’s camp is breathing a sigh of relief at Palin’s popularity. While concerns about her maverick credentials remain, few still describe her as a “gamble” anymore. What no one anticipated is that she might overshadow McCain himself.

McCain's Destiny

An introductory video tells the story of John McCain’s military service, including a disastrous fire aboard an aircraft carrier:

“Somehow, John McCain’s life was spared. Perhaps he had more to do.”

Wait, so could he be … The One?

Disruptions

So far, the security here at Xcel has been a tight seal. But just as McCain starts to speak, a young many on a balcony unfurls a sign—“McCain Votes Against Vets”—and starts yelling. “Ask McCain about his voting record,” he shouts.

The crowd turns to look and drowns him out with a round of “USA! USA!” (He chants along with them.) Security guards are trying to reach him, but he’s all the way in a corner. Instead, an RNC volunteer reaches out, snags his sign, and tears it up.

Police finally persuade the guy to leave his perch.

Now others in the audience are yelling. Men with "Law Enforcement" tags are roaming the aisles.

Update 11:48 p.m.: The American Prospect's Dana Goldstein got an interview with the heckler.

The Adkins Diet

ST. PAUL—John McCain is about to do his 2 p.m. walk-through in the Xcel center arena. But for now, the center of attention is Trace Adkins, the 6-foot-6 inch, goateed country singer slated to sing the National Anthem tonight.

“Oh my God,” says convention attendee Deb Suchla into her phone when she spots him. “I can’t breathe.”

Adkins is hard not to spot. He’s part cowboy, part Norse god, with a bass to match Sam Elliott. He hangs back in a corner next to the stage, but fans keep drawing him out to the rope line, asking to take pictures with him. Each time he tries to vanish, another fan grabs one of his enormous hands and pulls him back. Adkins’ hang-dog expression never changes, except when a camera is about to flash, at which point half his face cranks up into a crooked grin.

“Will you take a picture with my daughter’s elephant?” asks a man, shoving a stuffed doll into Adkins’ arms. Adkins looks confused. “OK,” he says, holding the elephant up next to his head. “But that’s kinda silly.”

His fans are diverse, at least for the RNC. Young girls, security guards, elected officials, older women—especially older women. Suchla says Adkins is “the only man I’d leave my husband for.” (Don’t worry, her husband knows.) One of his songs, “Hot Mama,” talks about how his wife is still sexy even if she can’t squeeze into “them old jeans.” When the ladies hear that, Suchla says, “they just melt.”

Adkins is an avowed Republican. Fans cite his song “Arlington,” sung from the perspective of a dead soldier, as evidence of his support the troops in Iraq. But it can also come off a little creepy. Here’s the chorus from “Arlington”:

And I’m proud to be on this peaceful piece of property, I’m on sacred ground and I’m in the best of company,
And I’m thankful for those thankful for the things I’ve done,
I can rest in peace, I'm one of the chosen ones,
I made it to Arlington.

His most famous turn, though, was as a runner-up on The Celebrity Apprentice, where he faced off in the finals against British tabloid editor Piers Morgan. Suchla described it as a “battle between good and evil”—she must have watched Mitt Romney’s speech—in which Adkins was “decent and honorable” from start to finish.

Real life has been more complicated. Adkins was charged for drunk driving in 2001 and has battled alcoholism. He was once a barroom brawler. His second wife shot him in the heart and lungs.

But of course that’s not a disqualification for the RNC. I ask Adkins if he’s nervous. “Not really,” he says. “I did the World Series.” Indeed, his sound test sounds marvelous. His high note—“land of the freeeeee”—must be somewhere around middle C.

When I ask Suchla for her last name, she jokingly suggests I include her number. You know, in case Adkins is reading.

Name Bristol's Baby: The Results

Snark Attack

Tonight, Sarah Palin crystallized the McCain campaign’s main strategy against Barack Obama: withering sarcasm.

You could almost hear the words drip. “My fellow citizens,” she said, “the American presidency is not supposed to be a journey of ‘personal discovery.’ ” Ouch! “I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a ‘community organizer,’ except that you have actual responsibilities.” Yikes, cut it out already! “Listening to him speak, it's easy to forget that this is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or reform.” For the love of ... “This is a man who can give an entire speech about the wars America is fighting, and never use the word victory except when he's talking about his own campaign.” OK, OK, tap out!

Palin will likely get accolades for her oratory, her mom-next-door likability, and her willingness to hit Obama. But hats off for being not just on-message, but on-tone.

McCain’s campaign has lately felt like a laugh track. Obama travels to Europe. McCain mocks him as an elitist celebrity airhead. Obama fills a stadium. He’s like Britney. Obama works out. He’s conceited. Obama suggests inflating your tires to save gas. Call it “Obama’s energy plan.” Anything the Obama camp does, McCain has a pat response: derision. The message boils down to, Can you believe this guy is running for president?

So far, it’s been working. McCain’s “Celebrity” ads apparently cut into Obama’s lead in national polls. And until his acceptance speech in Denver, Obama seemed reluctant to hit back.

Palin seems well-suited to join in the fun. She’s smart, she can clearly land a zinger, and, unlike McCain, she actually looks like she’s having fun up there. There’s another aspect, too, and here we’ve all been instructed to tread lightly: Palin’s gender could well strengthen her attacks. Sure, the text is that she’s simply highlighting Obama’s weaknesses. But the subtext is that she’s emasculating him. Or at least that’s the way McCain’s people should hope it looks. This general election has already had its share of measuring contests. Team McCain has done its best to paint Obama as a fey elitist—not unsuccessfully, either. In that respect, Palin could be their best weapon yet.

“Now you know why we picked Gov. Palin,” McCain said when he came onstage after her speech. It’s true. Tonally, she’s a perfect fit.

Dept. of Child Exploitation

From Sarah Palin’s speech:

I'm just one of many moms who will say an extra prayer each night for our sons and daughters going into harm's way. Our son, Track, is 19. And one week from tomorrow, September 11th, he'll deploy to Iraq with the Army infantry in the service of his country.

My nephew, Casey (ph), also enlisted and serves on a carrier in the Persian Gulf.

My family is so proud of both of them and of all the fine men and women serving the country in uniform.

(APPLAUSE)

From John McCain’s interview with Time last week:

Q: A lot of people know about your service from your books, but most people don't know that you have two sons currently in the military. Can you describe what it means to have Jack and Jimmy in uniform?

A: We don't discuss our sons.

<!--[endif]-->

Drill, Baby, Drill!

Sorry, McCain Web team. DrillBabyDrill.com is taken. And it's a site about ... wind turbines.

Most Tepid Applause Ever

To Mike Huckabee’s half-congratulations of Obama:

So, I say with sincerity that I have great respect for Senator Obama's historic achievement to become his party's nominee—not because of his color, but with indifference to it. Party or politics aside, we celebrate this milestone because it elevates our country.

A resounding "meh."

Tough Mitt

Is it just me, or was Mitt Romney’s address the most frightening speech delivered this election cycle?

Romney has been criticized in the past for looking fake. When he tries to do relaxed, he looks stilted. When he tries to do passionate, he looks sappy. Tonight, when he tried to do tough, he looked like a helmet-haired Brooks Brothers angel of death.

Maybe it’s because he spent half the time looking into the camera. (The teleprompter is located directly below the center camera.) Maybe it’s because 17 sentences in the transcript end with exclamation points.

Either way, I think he succeeded mightily at convincing Republicans they made the right choice—not him.

The Sarah Palin Fan Club, aka the Alaska Delegation

The Alaska delegation reportedly underwent media training Sunday night. It shows. The group entered the convention floor Tuesday afternoon wearing neon-orange reflective vests and white hard hats with “Drill Here” painted on the sides. But they might as well have read, “Don’t Ask Us About Bristol.”

Ever since John McCain picked Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate, the Alaska delegation has been getting Alaskan-sized levels of attention. Every other person in their convention floor section is carrying either a camera or a notepad. Reporters kneel next to every aisle seat, collecting quotes. These folks aren’t used to being fawned over by Judy Woodruff.

The delegates were full of praise for the vice presidential nominee, of course. They all know her. In fact, everybody knows everybody. “It’s a small state,” says delegate Mead Treadwell of Anchorage.

I asked about Palin’s reversal on the infamous $400 million “Bridge to Nowhere.” June Burkhart, a delegate from Willow, says it’s overblown. “We all supported it initially,” Burkhart explains. That is, until they realized it was going to jeopardize the tourist industry.

But, anyway: Drilling. Pete Higgins, a big fellow with a goatee, has pasted a photo of the Alaskan tundra across the back of his vest. It shows caribou grazing in front of an oil refinery. The message: Drilling for oil doesn’t hurt wildlife. “There were 2,600 caribou back in 1972,” Higgins explains. “Today there’s over 30,000.” If anything, he says, pipelines protect caribou. The 12-foot-high pipelines provide heat for the caribou to huddle under, and shade. Some caribou even birth calves under the pipeline. Plus, predators don’t like to come near the refinery. So, really, it’s a safe haven.

I ask him why the caribou in the photo look all skinny and mangy. “They’re shedding,” he says.

Higgins actually worked on oil pipelines in the late '70s. Now he’s a dentist. I ask him whether that was a big career change. “Not really,” he says, “I’m still drilling.” (He admits he’s used that one before.)

This is Higgins’ first convention, and so far he has few complaints. Well, maybe one. Their governor is the vice presidential nominee, he points out. “Shouldn’t we be up front?” Instead, they’re situated in the back right corner. (Next to Oklahoma. Shudder.) 

But the “Alaska doesn’t get enough respect” argument doesn’t quite work. They’re the belles of the ball. Other delegates are passing by, shaking hands. “You must be thrilled!” exclaims one. Others ask to exchange state pins. Treadwell offers an Oklahoma delegate a pin of Alaska’s state flower, the forget-me-not. Alaskans sent packages of forget-me-nots to members of Congress in 1959, he explains, to remind them to vote for the state’s accession to the union. Maybe that was Palin’s secret, too.

I ask Treadwell what he makes of claims that Palin isn’t a serious choice. “Ask Exxon if she’s serious,” he says. “Ask ConocoPhillips if she’s serious,” he says, referring to her battles with the oil companies over drilling leases. He reminds me that Alaska is a border state. It trades with Russia and Canada. It’s the site of a major U.S. missile defense system. People forget this stuff, he says.

The delegates dismiss concerns that Palin is inexperienced. “I say, who’s ready?” Higgins says. “No one’s ever ready. Half the senators in the Senate aren’t ready. It’s about how fast can you learn.” Treadwell emphasizes Palin’s executive experience—all 19 months of it—compared with Barack Obama’s.

Speaking of executive experience, Higgins tells me he’s president of the Alaskan Dental Society, which boasts 256 members. He points to the stage. “I’ll be up there in four years.”

Reader Contest: Name Bristol's Baby

On Monday, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin shocked the political world with news that her 17-year-old daughter Bristol is five months pregnant. While the political ramifications of the pregnancy are much disputed, one thing is perfectly clear: Bristol’s baby will be born into a family with thoroughly weird names.

Bristol’s siblings are named Track, Willow, Piper, and Trig; Sarah Palin and her husband Todd were inspired by a variety of sources. Track is named after the sport, a family favorite. Bristol is christened after Bristol Bay, a preferred family fishing spot. Trig, the family says, is derived from the Norse for true or strength. Willow is the name of a community in Alaska. And Piper—well, as Todd Palin told People, "There's just not too many Pipers out there and it's a cool name." (If you don’t find those speculations satisfactory, Andrew Sullivan posted speculation from two readers that Willow and Piper are named after TV witches; that’s been more or less debunked.)

Reader contest alert: With all this intrafamily competition for unique names, Bristol Palin and her husband-to-be, Levi Johnston, need your help. Send your baby name ideas to trailheadcontest@gmail.com or post them in the Fray by 6 p.m. EST on Wednesday, Sept. 3. Please write your suggestion for the baby’s name in the subject line of the e-mail or the Fray post, then include a sentence or two about its derivation in the body. (E-mail may be quoted by name unless the writer stipulates otherwise.)

Buzz Kill

Hurricane Gustav is more than 1,000 miles from St. Paul, but its impact on the Republican Convention has already been substantial: canceled speeches, parties (they’re now charity fundraisers), and appearances. Equally flustered are mischief-making Democrats in St. Paul.

The Dems had planned a whole week of counterprogramming right across the street from the Xcel Center in St. Paul. They plastered billboards across the city featuring the famous McCain-Bush hug. Their war room, the “More of the Same Media Center,” was going to hold daily briefings for reporters (“with breakfast!”). They were even passing out flash drives with up-to-the-minute agitprop, which they called “St. Paul Survival Kits.”

Needless to say, survival kits aren’t quite as funny now.

Even before the Republicans decided to cancel all of Monday’s events save the most technical proceedings, the Democrats started dismantling. Sunday’s afternoon reception was canceled, as was Monday’s morning briefing. The MOTSMC is in hibernation until further notice. “Our thoughts and prayers are with the families in the region,” wrote DNC spokesman Damien LaVera in a statement.

If Republicans are in a tough spot, then Democrats’ position is even more difficult. The GOP doesn’t want to look insensitive by ignoring the hurricane, nor does it want to appear to be exploiting a tragedy. The Dems, meanwhile, don’t want to be seen as accusing the Republicans of exploiting a tragedy for political purposes—because that’s exploitation, too. In other words, if the Democrats attack, neither party comes out looking good. It’s kamikaze or nothing.

So instead, it’s become a contest to do the most good. Republicans are urging RNC party-throwers to collect money for charity. Obama has promised to use his list of millions to mobilize donors and volunteers. He also declined to hit McCain for his intended visit to New Orleans. “I think for John to want to find out what's going on is fine,” he said. If only there had been a presidential race going on in August 2005.

Of course, peace can’t reign forever. McCain campaign manager Rick Davis emphasized that as of now, they’re canceling events only through 5:30 p.m. Monday. The Dems have likewise kept their options open past Monday morning. But it’s up to the Republicans to make the first slip. Today’s press conference was a masterwork in tact—McCain made a passionate appeal, while Davis exuded calm. But the Democrats are no doubt operating with a hair trigger. The first whiff of exploitation or insensitivity or managerial incompetence, and the snipers across the street will snap back into action.

Then again, if the Republicans manage to turn this from a distraction into a redemption story, the Democrats may need all the survival kits they can get.

Hillary to Palin: Congrats!!

Hillary Clinton is back. And this time, it’s personal.

At least that’s the subtext of a statement just released by the Clinton press office:

We should all be proud of Governor Sarah Palin's historic nomination, and I congratulate her and Senator McCain. While their policies would take America in the wrong direction, Governor Palin will add an important new voice to the debate.

If there were any lingering doubts as to the enthusiasm with which Hillary and Bill Clinton would campaign for Barack Obama—even after "That makes two of us"—let this put them to rest. Clinton is right, Sarah Palin’s nomination is historic. But what would be even more historic is if she won. And that just can’t be allowed.

Hillary has only started publicly describing her candidacy in historic terms since it ended. Fans were overjoyed to hear her speak about the legacy of women’s rights—and her role in it—in her concession speech in June. But even then, many of them weren’t comfortable with the idea of just any woman shattering the glass ceiling in which she had put "18 million cracks." It had to be Hillary.

Sarah Palin’s nomination therefore isn’t a threat to Barack Obama—Hillary voters won’t flock to her for the same reasons they showed discomfort with Kathleen Sebelius. (Not to mention Palin’s pro-life beliefs and the rest of her conservative record.) Rather, she poses a threat to Hillary’s legacy. Palin has a good story but a thin résumé. She considers herself a feminist but hasn’t become a national symbol of feminism like Clinton. After Hillary’s loss and Obama’s decision not to consider her for veep, Palin in the White House would be the final insult. And, for Clinton, unacceptable.

Why Do Losers Make Great Speakers?

By Derek Thompson 

Al Gore’s speech last night in Denver was the opposite of his failed 2000 presidential campaign—funny, fresh, even a little inspiring. John Kerry’s speech the night before was quotable and downright side-splitting compared with his wooden self in 2004. And Hillary Clinton’s speech on Tuesday? The sometimes chilly candidate was praised for crushing at the convention center.

Why do we love speeches by candidates who lost? Do we lower the bar out of pity? Or do they really jump higher?

It probably has more to do with the bar. Presidential candidates have to be unflappable but human, talented but humble, transcendent but relatable. But if you lost an election, there’s no such requirement. That’s why Hillary got to talk about the "sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits." Al Gore mocked his own narrow loss. Even Kerry snuck in a line about McCain "being for it before he was against" certain policies.

But self-deprecation isn’t why their speeches succeeded. It’s because they transcended the criticisms that dogged them throughout their campaigns. Hillary seemed more emotive and put her legacy in the context of women’s rights and civil rights. Kerry looked comfortable and aggressive, though he was neither in 2004. And Gore flashed the same hip wonkiness he’s rocked for years—that is, the years after 2000.

If there’s a lesson here, it’s not that losing makes you charismatic. It’s that running for president makes you stiff. Message control is paramount to modern campaigns, but it’s also a candidate’s straitjacket hemmed in by voter interests, poll-tested buzz words, and obligatory nods to patriotism and family. In 2004, Kerry played the military card with painful stiltedness, saluting the audience, "reporting for duty," and yammering about Old Glory. In 2008, Kerry played the consummate Obama advocate, mixing direct attacks on John McCain with flairs of humor that electrified the convention center.

Sen. Clinton slouched off the shackles of candidacy even faster. Often criticized for her coldness on the stump, she gave a generous concession speech in June that drew raves. In Denver, she summed up a central issue—the moral smallness of Hillary-first Democrats like PUMA—better than anyone "I want you to ask yourselves: Were you in this campaign just for me?" she asked. "Or were you in it for that young Marine and others like him? Were you in it for that mom struggling with cancer while raising her kids?" It was the perfect question, balancing common sense with sentimentality. If she had learned to master that combo eight months ago, Thursday might have represented a different Democratic first.

Assessing the Zingers

By Lucy Morrow Caldwell and Derek Thompson

The Democratic National Convention was about unity, patriotism, and impossible promises. It was also about tearing John McCain into tiny confetti-sized pieces. And this year, the Democrats kept the quips rolling. Some were funny. Some were not so funny. Some we still don’t really understand. But they all infused the notoriously ponderous oratory with a welcome dash of spice. Here are a few of the most memorable zingers from four days of Democratic speechifying.

Best Overall

Sen. John Kerry of Massachusetts: "Candidate McCain now supports the wartime tax cuts that Sen. McCain once denounced as immoral. Candidate McCain criticizes Sen. McCain’s own climate-change bill. Candidate McCain says he would now vote against the immigration bill that Sen. McCain wrote. Are you kidding? Talk about being for it before you’re against it."

Best Olympics Tie-In

Rep. Dennis Kucinich of Ohio: "If there was an Olympics for misleading, mismanaging, and misappropriating, this administration would take the gold. World records for violations of national and international laws."

Most Predictable Home-Ownership Joke

Gov. Kathleen Sebelius of Kansas: "I’m sure you remember a girl from Kansas who said there’s no place like home. Well, in John McCain’s version, there’s no place like home. Or a home. Or a home. Or a home. Or a home."

Best Acknowledgment of Wonkiness

Al Gore: "John McCain, a man who has earned our respect on many levels, is now openly endorsing the policies of the Bush-Cheney White House and promising to actually continue them, the same policies, all over again. Hey, I believe in recycling, but that's ridiculous."

Best Zinger From the Actual Nominee

Sen. Barack Obama: "Sen. McCain likes to talk about judgment, but really, what does it say about your judgment when you think George Bush has been right more than 90 percent of the time? I don’t know about you, but I’m not ready to take a 10 percent chance on change."

Best Sports Analogy

Gov. Ted Strickland of Ohio: "George W. Bush came into office on third base … and then he stole second. And John McCain cheered him every step of the way."

Most Likely To Be Used as a Lame Bumper Sticker

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York: "Now way, no how, no McCain."

Most Strained Metaphor

Gov. Ted Strickland: "And while families are losing sleep tonight trying to figure out some way to make their paycheck stretch through one more day, John McCain is sleeping better than ever. He’s sleeping better than ever because he thinks 'Americans overall are better off,' thanks to President Bush … He has no problem hitting the snooze button on the economy, because he’s never been part of the middle class. And I would say to him: Sen. McCain, it’s time for your wake-up call."

Most Refutable Quip

Gov. David Paterson of New York: "If [McCain] is the answer, then the question must be ridiculous." (How about: Who is the Republican presidential nominee?)

Most Likely To Have Been Written on a Napkin Just Before Going Onstage

Bob Casey: "John McCain calls himself a maverick, but he votes with George Bush more than 90 percent of the time. That’s not a maverick, that’s a sidekick."

Best Use of Pavlovian Allusion

Sen. Chuck Schumer of New York: "When the American people demanded change in Iraq, John McCain and his friends said no. When you demanded legislation to lower the price of gas, John McCain and his friends said no. When you demanded middle-class tax relief, John McCain and his friends said no. When Barack Obama wins in November, John McCain will go back to the senate, and he and his friends will go back to saying no, no, no, to the change our country needs."

Most Likely To Have Been Inspired by Dirty Jobs

Rep. Rahm Emanuel of Illinois: "A strong economy depends on a strong middle class. But George Bush has put the middle class in a hole, and John McCain has a plan to keep digging that hole with George Bush's shovel."

Any great quips we missed? Do you have a favorite? Looking forward to a zingmeister at the Republican National Convention? Send your comments to Derek.Thompson@slate.com.

Slate Rates Obama's Speech

Obama Live Chat Now!

If you've got a moment, head over to WashingtonPost.com, where Slate's Emily Bazelon and I are chatting about "The Road Ahead For Obama."

Ask us anything. Anything!

Barry Vs. the Barracuda

In the '80s, a basketball standout nicknamed "Sarah Barracuda" gamely stepped onto the court despite a stress fracture, determined to lead Wasilla High School to a state championship. That Barracuda was Sarah Palin, the Republican nominee for vice president (according to her Wikipedia page).

McCain's pick of Palin means a fifth presidential/vice presidential debate should be added to the calendar. A cross-ticket game of horse between Barack Obama and Sarah Palin. Obama has the upper hand because he plays regularly, but Palin has played ball on a bigger stage than Obama ever has. It would rival the Michael Jordan vs. Larry Bird showdown.

Joe Biden and John McCain, meanwhile, can duke it out in the boxing ring. We hear Biden has been known to bloody a few noses in his day.